Susan Lutz, College Consultant

I recently finished reading Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—and What We Can Do About It by Jennifer Breheny Wallace and wow…this one hit me hard!

As a College Consultant for more than 20 years, I immediately started thinking about teenagers, college admissions, pressure, burnout, perfectionism, and the increasing fear students have of “not being enough.” But honestly? The bigger realization came when I started thinking about my own house.

I have 3 daughters in elementary school and after reading this book, I had one of those uncomfortable moments where you realize… “Oh no. I am helping create this culture.”

You want to play basketball? Great! Let’s sign up for camps. Oh, and maybe a private lesson. You should try out for the more competitive team because the rec team isn’t winning enough. We’re a competitive family. We like goals. We like improvement. We like achievement. And before we know it, a fun activity quietly becomes performance-based (for a 9 year old – what is wrong here!?!)

Then there’s school. 

“How did you do on your spelling test?”

But if I’m being really honest, I care because we spent an hour studying for it the night before. Suddenly their grade starts to feel connected to our performance.

A few weeks ago, my 3rd-grade daughter came home with a C on a math test and immediately burst into tears because she was terrified she was going to be in trouble.

And I just sat there thinking:
What type of environment have we created where a 9-year-old believes a C means failure?

That moment stayed with me. I hear versions of this every single day from high school students during the college process.

Students with 3.8 GPAs apologizing to me for not having a 4.0.
Students convinced one B “ruined” their future.
Students are terrified to quit activities they hate because it might not “look good.”
Students who genuinely cannot answer the question: “What do you actually enjoy?”

Somewhere along the way, achievement stopped being something students pursue and started becoming who they are.

And college admissions only magnifies it. We have unintentionally created a culture where teenagers believe their value is tied to a GPA, a test score, a leadership title, or the name on a sweatshirt.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned after working with students for over two decades: The kids who are willing to take risks, think differently, fail occasionally, pivot, try again, and explore creatively? Those students often become incredibly successful adults. I’ve worked with students whose transcripts weren’t perfect but who became entrepreneurs, leaders, innovators, incredible communicators, and deeply fulfilled people.

Remember the old saying: “C’s get degrees?” Okay…we probably shouldn’t put that on a motivational poster 😊 But honestly, how many thriving adults do you know who got a few C’s along the way?

A transcript matters. Effort matters. Education matters. But our kids need to know they matter without the achievement too.

The “best” college isn’t always the most selective one. It’s the place where a student feels challenged, supported, connected, healthy, and excited to grow.

This book reminded me of something I tell students all the time but probably needed to hear myself: Our children should know they are already enough long before the acceptance letters arrive.